“A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Author Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to wonder if the Mayans were on to something.  Not really, but I’ve heard that troubles come in 3s.  Not so this past week and a half.  Unexpected problems have been climbing over each other to get to me!
What up?!

I believe that “things happen for a reason.”  Ok, good, because my life lately is a real page-turner!  What will happen next?!  I also believe that the Universe, God, Source always provides.  Wow.  I can’t wait to see how they’ll get me out of this one!

Bottom line is, I still have CHOICES.

How I respond (within and outside myself) is a CHOICE:
EITHER, “Why me?  What did I do to deserve this?”
OR, “What am I learning from this?  How is it shaping me?  What is it requiring of me?  Patience?  Faith?  Strength?  Slow down?”

How I feel about it is a CHOICE:
EITHER, ”These things always happen to me!”
OR,  ”It could be worse.  My other needs are still being met.”

What I believe is a CHOICE:
EITHER, ”Life sucks!”
OR,  ”Such is life.  I can get through this.  Things will get better like they always do.  I’ve gotten through worse than this before.”

Difficulties help me appreciate days of ease and strengthen me when I face them.  Grrr!  Bring it on!  (Jus’ kidding!)

Things to do instead when it’s beyond your control:

• Focus on other, more joyous, things.
• Write when things are wrong.
• Count and appreciate other blessings, big and small.
• Breathe.  There’s always tomorrow.
• Remember other times you pulled through and what got you there.

In life there is ebb and flow.  Just because we’re ebbing doesn’t mean we’ll never flow again.  Think of yourself as an arrow. You’re only being pulled back on the bow so you can spring forward that much further when you let go.  And, oh, the ride when you do!

“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” ~Ovid

Oh, April.  You fly by at the speed of buzz like a bee zooming to the next blossom.  How do you keep track of yourself?!  You’ve been so busy, you’ve forgotten to rain.  Haven’t you heard?  ”April showers bring May flowers.”  Are we to expect no flowers in May because of your hasty neglect?

Yes, there will be flowers in May.  Flowers that stand in one place. Elegant.  Bending in the breeze.  Present.  Fragrant.  Offering their scent, their nectar and beauty to passersby.

I want to be like the flower.  Still and just there.  Not rushing around with wildly flapping wings.  One breath.  And then another. I long for May.

“When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion.” ~Abraham Lincoln

What do we gain from hurting someone?  What’s in it for us?  Do we feel power–a power that we are otherwise devoid of?  Do we feel we’ve somehow righted a wrong?  What is lacking in our character that we feel ok with our unprovoked, hurtful actions? What is really going on down in the deep?

The depth of our own pain–or numbness–seems unreachable, or we simply choose not to go there.  It feels better to lash out at someone, someone other than the inflicter of our own pain.  No, that would be too scary.

Passive aggressive.  Yeah.  That’s the way to go.  It may be cowardly, but it gets the job done.  We don’t have to reveal our deepest, truest self and risk being hurt again.

Our deepest, truest self.  Do we even know what or where that is? Certainly, we are galaxies away from it when we knowingly inflict pain on others.

How do we return to Love?  How do we look inward, feel remorse, and grow from accepting our own pain?

We do it by simply doing good…because it feels good.

“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” ~Angela Monet

Who’s your choreographer?  Who’s your puppet master?  Is it you?  Your parents?  Your lover?  Society?  God or some higher power?

What does your inner song sound like?  If you danced to it, who would applaud?  Who in your life would really get you, see you? What passions are hidden in the chords of your life symphony? Have you kept them silent for fear of losing your audience?

What if the great artists we admire still today kept their song silent?

Try stepping off your choreographed path.  Leap to the clearing. Dance to your own song.  Just for today.  I, for one, will applaud.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them.” ~Oscar Wilde

My father is 90.  I flew to Michigan recently to visit him.  He needed cheering up after a mild heart attack and a stint in the hospital.  He uses a walker now.  While there, I shared lunches and dinners with him and the other residents at his assisted living facility (the most beautiful one in the world).  Before or after mealtimes, I took him for rides in my rented Yaris.

Dad spent childhood summers in the area on property his grandfather purchased on a hill above Crystal Lake, not far from Lake Michigan.  Dad brought us kids there every summer, as well.  One of the family’s favorite places for sunsets on Lake Michigan is Point Betsie.  One afternoon, our father/daughter excursion took us along Crystal Lake, toward the main road that leads to Point Betsie.  I wasn’t sure how long he wanted to be in the car, so after the long stretch of road along the south shore of Crystal, I said, “I’ll just turn around here and we can go back and get a different perspective.”  He spoke right up and pointed toward Route 31.  “Can’t we go see…Lake Michigan?”  “You want to go to Pt. Betsie?”  “Yeah!”  The roles had definitely reversed.  I agreed, turned onto the main road, and drove several miles to Pt. Betsie.  Since it was mid-March, not a single car or person was in sight.  I pulled the car right up to the opening in the sand dune where we could watch the waves crash up on shore.  We sat for a while until I told him I was just going to get out to take a picture on my cell phone to send to my sister.  It was cold and windy, so this would be quick.  No sooner than I got out of the car, I saw my dad get out of the car!  I quickly got his walker out for support.  With his arm hooked in mine, he proceeded to walk off the pavement and onto the sand.  I knew where he was headed.  I had to go with it, though I feared with every frail step that he would fall, and we were alone, and far away from help.  I could feel how important this was to him, walker, wind and all.  I watched his every step until he reached his favorite bench.

His spirit to continue to embrace life impressed me.  At 90, he still has the drive to go forward and reach his goals.  This spirit lives in me as a gift that he has passed down.  He was not a perfect father; there is no such thing.  He had a way of brushing off my childhood excitement with a simple, “Ok” and look away as if to say, “That’s enough.”  He didn’t realize he was quieting my voice in the world.  It worked for a long time.  Now with tables turned, I model for him what it means to support and celebrate someone’s passion and drive.  And I quietly thank him for instilling that drive in me.

“The greatest gift of the garden is the restoration of the five senses.” ~Hanna Rion

Last week, I was fortunate enough to vacation near the ocean. Now, back in western New England, I miss it…and I’m not even an “ocean person.”  I grew up near Lake Michigan, which, surprisingly to some, is a lot like the ocean minus the salt.  I miss the slow, steady pulse of the ocean waves: sure, constant, and reassuring like a mother’s heartbeat.

I chose to sit by a bubbly stream–a distant second–to write this. Like missing the taste of Mom’s good home cookin,’ my ears miss the sound of the powerful ocean waves.

It is now mid-March and spring is tapping on the garden door.  I ponder the deprivation endured by my other senses during the usually long New England winter: my eyes missed colors; my skin missed the warmth of the sun and soft breezes; my tongue missed the flavor of farm-fresh produce; my nose missed the dampness of spring, freshly mowed grass, and fallen autumn leaves.  My ears missed song birds and rushing water.

Now that we have been blessed with an early spring heatwave, are our senses still in hibernation?  Are we listening–truly attending–to the birds rejoicing their return?  Are we noticing the early spring flowers and baby green leaves sprouting on bushes?  Can we once again smell the air–fresh, not frozen–in our nostrils?

Spring is stirring, awakening.  Are we?  Let us arise from our seasonal slumber, stretch our sleepy senses, yawn with a yearning for all sound, sight, savory, and skin sensations that spring so graciously brings.  Rise and shine!  Greet the day, and greet the rebirth of Spring!

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.” ~Hal Borland

I don’t know about you, but by March 1^st my storage of sunlight and natural Vitamin D is nearly depleted.  Inspiration wanes to the point of near extinction.  Smiles are forced.  Writing is a chore. I fear this is a permanent state.  I wonder, “What’s the point?”  Does it matter if I write or not?  Is anybody listening anyway?  Having performed on stage, both acting and singing, writing by comparison is a very lonely profession.  And yet, it’s safe.  Sometimes “safe” wins.

By March 1^st, I question the big picture.  Why am I here?  Where am I going?  Shouldn’t I be further along by now?  Where did I leave my passion, my inspiration, my ideas, my excitement?  I must have mailed them off with the Christmas presents.  Shouldn’t they have returned by now?

I can’t leave my readers feeling as uninspired as I am right now.  Isn’t it better to say nothing?  I feel weighted down by the past, by the roadblocks that seem to follow me around.  I feel I have nothing of value to share.  I sit with that thought for a minute.  And then I hear these words:

Why do you cry over the roadblocks you’ve encountered in life?  Without them, you would be void of strength, inner strength, strength of character, void of valuable lessons and experience.  Without these lessons, you could not speak from experience when helping others.  You could not empathize, only imagine, empty of genuine understanding and caring.  Fear not, for you already do help others.  Perhaps you are not making headlines, but your actions, you, influence others in their thought and deeds.

Embrace the obstacles for they have shaped and guided you so that you can be of help to others.  No need to compare yourself with those who seem to have it all together, for they, too, have empty spaces waiting to be filled.

You are you.  Beautiful. Unique. Imaginative.  Worthy.  Yet at times impatient, doubting, fearing.  Why race to the end?  Why not enjoy each kernel of the journey?  Make peace with right now.  Love this moment.

The cobwebs of winter will melt away and spring will bring fresh new insights and inspiration.  This is the cycle of life.  Participate willingly.

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” ~Martha Washington

In his TED talk, Shawn Achor says “90% of your long-term happiness is predicted not by the external world, but by the way your brain processes the world.”   We are certainly wired to never be satisfied, but this phenomenon drives our advancement, for better or worse.  We hope for things because we think we’ll feel better in the having of it, whether it be material, or a relationship, or warmer weather.  And yet, when that goal or desire is reached, we are once again looking for the next desire; when we reach the goal, we move the goal post.

But these desires live in our “external world” where happiness is temporary.

Further along in his talk, he reveals a simple remedy for training our brains to be happy regardless of our circumstances.  He says that if we practice the following for 2 min. each, 21 days in a row, we’ll begin to feel a lasting effect; “small changes ripple outward.”

• Write down 3 things you are grateful for. (your brain begins to retain a pattern)
• Journal about 1 positive experience that occurred over the last 24 hrs. (allows your brain to re-live it)
• Exercise (this teaches your brain that your behavior matters)
• Meditation (allows relief from the “cultural ADHD” of multitasking)
• Random Acts of Kindness  (write one positive email praising or thanking someone)

Try these for 2 min, 21 days in a row and train your brain to be happy, regardless of circumstances.  :)

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” ~Veronica A. Shoffstall

Today is St. Valentine’s Day!  Flowers are flying about and chocolates are not far behind.  If you’re lucky enough to have a lover, this is your day!

But beyond the flutter of Hallmark cards and FTD deliveries, there is a core that we all– everyone one of us–knows well: the genuine emotion called Love which can appear in many forms, such as:

unconditional/conditional
puppy/romantic
self/agape (brotherly)

Let’s focus on Love of Self.  Self-love is not needful.  Self-love is not self-important.  Self-love is being gentle with yourself.  Allowing yourself to be who you are. Treating yourself as well as you wish to be treated by others.  Self-love is patient and understanding.  Self-love is considerate and takes into account everything that has made you who you are today.

Give yourself a long and loving hug today.  Buy yourself a treat…not to fill a void in your heart, but simply to say, “I love you for who you are, not for who I expect you to be.”

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” ~Mark Twain

Our emotions are driven by our thoughts.  In any moment, we can choose to focus on things, people, and places that evoke happiness and joy or on that which settles in sadness and fear.  Certainly, when we are in the throes of an extreme negative emotion, we cannot jump directly to joy.  But, we can either change our focus or choose to feel hopeful, believing that “this, too, shall pass.”

I struggle with seasonal melancholy.  Perhaps “struggle” is too strong of a word.  I wrestle with seasonal melancholy.  Mid-winter, for me, brings diminished energy, listlessness, lack of creative drive.  Just as fears may be heightened in the middle of the night, mid-winter and lack of sunshine nourishes negativity and loss of hope.

To ward off winter woes, I pack an arsenal of Vitamin D, of daily exposure to my full-spectrum light, and tickets to a week of warmth and sun.   I battle back with bullets of exercise (walking) and intentional, focused, positive thought.

Tomorrow, we begin February.  We begin to tip mid-winter toward spring.  I choose to focus on the crocus, plan a garden, reclaim my 3-season porch, and await the inevitable return of longer hours of daylight.