Your Frequently Asked Questions
Have a question you'd like answered in the space? Ask our SEXperts and we'll post a response here.
Another school year has come to an end at Smith College. The email and SEXpert questions will not be read as frequently over the summer months. Please excuse the delay of our replies.

Relationships'''''''''Orgasm'''''''''HPV''''''''''Other STIs '''''''''Testing''''''''''Pregnancy

Female Anatomy'''''''''Male Anatomy''''''''''Erection'''''''''Ejaculate'''''''''Terminology

Relationships
Recently I have been having sex with a guy who I really like. The only thing that I find vaguely strange about him is that after he cums, he likes to hug me very tightly for a long duration of time. At first, I thought it was sweet, but after I realized he did it everytime, I began to be suspicious of what his hugging behavior might mean. I spoke with my friends and they suggested it might be a "mommy" issue, but I wanted to know if there is anything actually psychological behind it.
We recommend communicating with your partner.
Cuddling is something that some people find enjoyable after sex. If you are uncomfortable with it or haven't experienced it before, talk to your partner about it.
However, if it's intense tight squeezing that's making you uncomfortable, then you need to tell him. Communication is the key to any type of relationship. Don't accuse him of any "mommy" complex, because it's impossible to tell, and it may offend him or make him feel bad. He probably thinks he's doing the right thing, and just wants to make you happy and share a sweet moment with you.
Ask yourself why this makes you uncomfortable. Have you not expereinced this beforehand? What made the switch from it feeling sweet to being weird? Ask yourself these questions, and then tell your partner how you feel.

Orgasm
I am nearly forty years old. I am female and I've been married for 15 years.
I have very very small breast and I don't have any pleasure when they are stimulated. My nipples are almost always erect, they make me look horny even when I'm not. My clitoris has become less sensitve over the years too. It takes ages for me to reach orgasm when it's stimulated. I've never had a vaginal orgasm, and even though my husband is very good and loving it's as though I'm already falling apart at the seams. I love my husband and want to make him happy and myself of course. Could I have some kind of nerve dysfunction problem in my body? Could it been that I was born without a 'G' spot?
There are all different types of breasts. Some are small, some are big, some nipples are inverted, some nipples are big or small, some nipples are erect all the time but that does not indicate arousal level. Many women are not sensitive in their breasts at all, and it's completely normal. You do not have a nerve dysfunction. However, we are not doctors and we have not met you, so we can not officially make that determination.
Everyone has a G-Spot, and many many women do not achieve orgasm vaginally. Do not feel pressure to climax that way.
We recommend masturbating alone, without your husband. Try out toys, erotica, videos, or other things you think you might find stimulating to see what makes you excited. Get to know your body and the sensations that you like. After getting to know yourself for awhile, you might feel more comfortable to share with your husband what turns you on and how you like it.
Try varying the types of foreplay you engage in with your husband. Erotic videos, toys, vibrators, role-playing, and sensation-play are just a few of the options available.
Try varying the type of stimulation to your clitoris as well! Different motions, speeds, directions (circles, up and down, tapping). Don't give up! Nothing's wrong with you! It will get better! If after trying all these things, nothing seems to have changed, consider seeing a specialist.

I'm a twenty one year old female. I have a problem that I would really like to fix but I don't know how. Basically I have never had an orgasm from penetrative sex - the only way I can is from oral or manual stimulation of my clitoris. I have a really loving boyfriend and an exciting sex life with him - I trust him and am completely relaxed with him but I still can't orgasm during intercourse. I do pelvic floor exercises everyday because someone told me that it would help and we have tried so many positions that I have lost count but still nothing. Is there something wrong with me - is there anything I can do because I think it would add to the intimacy of our sex life. Please help!
There’s nothing wrong with you! Many females can’t achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. The important thing is that you have an exciting, trusting and loving relationship! You get an A+ for effort. :)
Use a hand to stimulate your clit during intercourse… any hand will do! If you’d prefer to be hands-free, try a vibrator or vibrating cockring.

Is masturbation good for you?
Why, yes! Masturbation can help relieve menstrual cramps, headaches, and even hiccups! It provides exercise and tones the pubococcygeus (or PC) muscles, resulting in better orgasms for men and women and vaginal control for women. It’s fun and relieves stress! In men, it is very healthy to release the built-up semen from time to time. In the end, it just feels good, and it’s a great time to bond with yourself and discover what you like sexually.

Why do I only ejacculate in one position with my wife? She all ways has to go on top and she has to do all the work for me to ejaculate.
Sometimes for men, as for women, one has to be in one position or orgasm. It is very common with women, and it usually has to do with anatomy. It could also be related to psychology, like maybe being being on top makes you feel uncomfortable/insecure. Look into some other positions: from behind, maybe “reverse” cowgirl, standing, on stairs, on a chair, shower, desk, sink… google sex positions. Resources like Wikipedia have a whole list detailing various sexual positions. Good luck… sounds like you’re going to have a lot of fun trying new things!

HPV
I've been quite sensitive lately around my clit and other areas in/around my vagina.  I've had some itching also, but nothing has been visible.  I've been checked out by health services and my doctor at home, both say that they don't see anything suspicious.  I also have had two normal pap smears as well and have been tested otherwise and have come out clean.  Everyone that I have been intimate with have been tested previously and have come out clean. In short, what are the chances I have HPV?
If you got checked out at the doctor, you’re doing all the right things in terms of getting checked out for HPV. Itching and sensitivity are not symptoms of HPV. Have you considered you may have an allergy (or have developed an allergy) to perhaps your soap, laundry detergent, dryer sheets, or the material your underwear is made from? Try switching to cotton only underwear and “free and clear” hypoallergenic detergents.
The Vulvar Cancer Society recommends that you do not use ANY soap near your vulva and especially your vagina. They say “warm water and a gentle hand” is all you need.
If you have had sex with a male, technically your chances of having HPV are 1 in 2. However, signs of the virus may take up to 6 years to show up on a test, and your body may even fight it off on its own.
Unless you ask for it specifically and diligently, health services (and other health care providers) will not specifically test for HPV. It is a very expensive test, and females under 30 are typically not tested because as we said, many people can fight it off on their own.
If you are concerned, consider getting the HPV vaccine, Gardisil. If you only have Smith Health Insurance, it is not covered. If you have private insurance, call them to see if they cover the vaccine under your plan. Many private insurance companies are covering it in full. Although the vaccine will not cure HPV, Health Services recommends everyone get it regardless HPV history or of past exposure to the virus.

My girlfriend has a type of HPV that can cause cervical cancer, but does not cause gentital warts. We have not had intercourse yet, but I have touched her vagina with my hand. She has also touched my penis with her hand, though not
often. Is it possible that I have contracted the virus? My research has brought out conflicting information.
Yes it’s possible.  You may have contracted the virus, and may now be a carrier for HPV.  HPV, like herpes, is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, unlike other STIs where you contract them through sexual fluids. It is critical that you get tested to see if you have contracted the virus, and also that you use latex barriers (condoms, dental dams, and latex gloves) with your partner in the future.  Unfortunately the HPV test for men in not a pleasant process, it is very expensive (typically not covered by insurance), and not very accurate.  It does require a urethral swab and/or a blood test.  But for you to not get tested, you can risk being an unknowing carrier of a cancer causing virus and passing that virus onto future partners.  We hope you will make the responsible and mature decision to get tested and protect yourself in the future by using latex barriers. It is estimated that over half of the currently sexually active population has HPV. It is highly communicable because it is tranmitted through skin-to-skin contact. Most people can fight off the virus in a few years. Make sure your sexual partners get pap smears every six months to keep an eye on cervical cell changes.

Other STIs
Can sexual intercourse cause a bladder infection? Is a bladder infection an STI?
Sexual intercourse can lead to a urinary tract infection (UTI) which can lead to a bladder infection if left untreated.  Treatment typically involves a short antibiotic regimine, prescibed by a doctor after a uninalysis returns a postive result. UTIs are technically considered transmitted infections, because it's an infection you can get from having sex. While they are usually the result of prolonged and/or rough sexual intercourse, they are not always caused by sex. They can be caused by fecal matter (E. coli bacteria) getting near the urethra, or from having other STIs such as gonorrhea, herpes simplex virus, and chlamydia. UTIs are not contagious. It is important to urinate before and after sex to prevent contracting a UTI, especially if you are prone to getting them.  Also, drink lots of water to prevent UTIs.

Female Anatomy
What exercise can i do to tighten my vigina? Should the skin around the entrance sag?
Kegel exercises tighten and tone the pubococcygeus (or PC) muscles of the vagina. Contract the muscles you use to stop urine flow or bowel movement. Then relax them. Tighten again. You can do these exercises any time of the day... sitting, watching tv, walking, dancing, whenever! If you get really good at them, you can add an object to squeeze around (such as a dildo). Something like Ben Wa Balls can be placed in the vagina and then you can tug on the string while holding on to the balls with your PC muscles. Look up "Kegal" on the web for more info. Pelvic floor exercises are also great for this.
The "sagging" skin you're talking about may be the inner labia. It is totally normal, and it looks different on everyone. Some are long, short, thick, thin, whatever you can imagine. They're usually asymmetical.

Where is the clit?
Please see our vulva glossary page.

is it normal for a 14 year old girl to have a really large clitoris hood????
Yes.  Absolutely!  Everyone’s vulva is a little bit different.  Everyone’s labia, clitoris, clitoral hood, pubic hair, genital area in general is unique.  Don’t worry, your vulva is beautiful (assuming you have one).

Male Anatomy
How does sperm come out of the men's anus, when stimulated?
Sperm does not come out of the anus; it is ejaculated from the penis.  If you were referring to how sperm exits the anus after anal intercourse, nature and gravity will work together, and the sperm will leave the body.  Often it is simpler to go to the bathroom after anal sex to speed up this process.

Recently I've thought about trying some male enhancement products. I would like a truthfull opinion based on facts about these products. I measure up at 8 1/4 inches. Do you think I should use any of these products or no?
One, male enhancement products don’t work.  Two, you don’t need them.  You are already above average.  Don’t let images you may have seen in the porn industry affect your image of what male size should be.  Most partners will already love what you’ve got. And if they don't, then you don't need them.

Pregnancy
-did not have sex, but some semen may have gotten on or near vagina
-took plan b pill 12 hours later (22nd november)
-got period on the 27th november
-real' period is due 14th december but it hasn't come yet
- has had 5 negative pregnancy tests to date (first one was
ten days after the incident at tapestry health, the others
were home ones)
My cycle is usually 28 days, I've heard that the Plan B
'resets' your cycle? Is this true? and if so, are the
pregnancy tests accurate?
Also, Should I expect my period this cycle (expected ~23rd
xmas)? or if it doesn't appear is this normal and does it
mean i'm pregnant even though all the tests were negative?
scared smithie
Okay, first things first: you have had five negative pregnancy tests, so we really doubt you're pregnant. But if you want to permanently assuage your fears, I'd consider getting one last test from a clinic or doctor.
Plan B is a large dose of hormonal birth control, and all women respond to hormonal birth control a little differently. If you have not gotten your period by the end of the month, we'd recommend that you consider making an appointment with a gynecologist to discuss how Plan B may have altered your cycle. S/he may recommend a course of progesterone to jumpstart your period.
Plan B is designed to prevent ovulation (if it hasn't already occurred), thicken cervical mucus, and thin the uterine lining. In some women, the uterine lining sheds, thus resembling a period. This is what happened to you from what you've told us.
Again, we very much doubt that you're pregnant. It is up to you if you want to go to a doctor to make sure, but judging by your level of panic, this may not be a bad idea. You did the right thing by taking Plan B so soon after unprotected sex. In the future be sure to use condoms if there is the risk of semen getting in or near the vagina.

I usually have about a medium flow period and it usually lasts about 6 days each month. This last period started as normal except I had intercourse after the second day. After I had intercourse my period just stopped and have had no sign on it since. It has been less than a week since so I haven't taken a pregnancy test yet. Could conception cause me to instantly stop my period? If not what could cause me to stop my period so abruptly??
It is possible to get pregnant when on your period, but it would not cause you to stop bleeding abruptly. Take a pregnancy test as soon as possible anyway just to be safe. Maybe you’re just having an odd period this month.

I am experienciny abnormal bleedin and cramps from the vaginal area. Could this be a sign of misscarrying?
Were you pregnant? You should go to a doctor now. Bleeding and cramping are signs of miscarriage. If you are not pregnant, then you may be having an unusually heavy period. Regardless, you should still see a doctor.

My boyfriend fingered me, and I gave him a hand job he then cummed, and wiped everything up with a napkin, he then fingered me again. Also after he wiped it up and went to finger me I made him stop after literally about 5 seconds in fear of his sperm getting in me. My period is now two days late, and I'm now stressing, what are the chances of me being pregnant?
There is a chance you could be pregnant. If your period does not come within two weeks, you should get tested either with a blood test through a doctor or with a urine test from a drugstore. Drugstore tests are less reliable than tests you get at the doctor. It is possible to get a false-negative result. This means that the test tells you that you are not pregnant when you actually are. If you get a false result from a drugstore test, you should take it again in a few days. If it tells you that you ARE pregnant, then you ARE. They don’t give false-positive results. Click for information about emergency contraception or abortion.

I gave my boyfriend a blow job and then he had to leave. I didn't wash my hands. I kinda forgot about it, it had dried. He left and then I went and used the washroom. I changed my menstral cup when I was in there. I rinsed it off and put it back in. I realised that I just rammed watery dried silicone sperm up my crotch. What is the possiblity that am pregnant? I have another 2 weeks before I should have my period. Shouold I take a test or something?
When semen dries, sperm dies. It’s a saying to live by. However, certain STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections) can still live after it dries. HIV dies when it dries. If you are unsure of your boyfriend’s status, you should still get tested. Many STIs can be transmitted through oral sex. It’s HIGHLY unlikely that you’re pregnant, so don’t get tested for that. It’s great that you’re keeping track of your menstrual cycle, and you should continue to do so if you’re sexually active. If your period is late, then consider getting a pregnancy test.

Me and my girlfriend were rubbing against each other. Both of us had jeans, and undergarments on. I ejaculated and sperm soaked through my boxers and my pants were wet. My girlfriend said she took a shower,about ten minutes after we were done rubbing , and that she saw nothing unusual(any signs of sperm) on her pants . Also after the shower she put on new clothes. She at the time also had a tampon in. Is there any way that she could get pregnant?
We’d say that you have a one in a billion chance of your girlfriend being pregnant.  Sperm are powerful swimmers, but they’re not that good.  Sperm can only survive outside of the body for four hours.  From the situation you described, we doubt that your girlfriend is pregnant.  So we think you’re free to calm down. Semen needs to be ejaculated near the vulva/vagina to really risk pregnancy.  So it’s important that you use barriers, like condoms, when engaging in riskier behaviors.

How early after possible conception can me and my girlfreind go to a health care provider and have a doctor administer a pregnancy test (blood test)?
Sperm can live in the body from one to five days, so I doubt we can pinpoint the moment of conception.  The earliest you would be able to get an accurate result from a blood test is seven to twelve days after the intercourse in question.  Even then, the doctor administering the test may want you to return for another blood test because the results may be uncertain. 

Can you get pregnant if you have unprotected sex during the 7 inactive pill days if the egg is released?
You're no more likely to get pregnant during your inactive pills than you are during the active ones. If you're taking your active pills correctly (every day and during the same two hours every day), you do not ovulate (no egg is released). The pill is an extremely effective form of birth control, but if you're worried you can always add a back-up barrier method, like a condom.

Can I get pregnant if I have sex while I have my period?
That depends on what you mean by sex. If you mean penile-vaginal intercourse, then yes, there is a chance that you could get pregnant while on your period. Every person’s cycle is different, and many cycles are irregular. The “general” rule is that a female is fertile between days 12 and 17 of the cycle (day 1 is the first day of the period), but anything can happen and there are no “infertile” days. Play it safe and plan to use a condom, even during your period. If you’re not talking about p-v sex, though, then anything that doesn’t involve getting ejaculate on or near your vulva is fair game, even during menstruation.

My boyfriend and I are abstaining from vaginal intercourse. However, last month we indulged in oral sex. He ejaculated outside me and I had on my jeans, underwear, and sanitary pad (for added protection) the whole time. I thought the semen couldn’t have passed through the jeans, but later found a very slight dampness on my underwear. This dampness was much above the vaginal opening (above the pubic hairline). In case this fluid was semen that had miraculously seeped in through the jeans, could it also have reached the vagina underneath the pad? Can sperm travel even if the semen itself isn’t touching the vagina?
No way! Sperm cannot travel that far by themselves, you have no need to worry.
Here are some things to know about sperm:
- Sperm dies when semen dries
- The vagina has a naturally acidic pH. This creates a hostile environment for sperm to try and live in. Pre-cum (the oftentimes clear fluid that comes out of the penis during foreplay) serves to neutralize the acid so that the sperm can thrive and have a better chance at reaching the uterus. That's why billions of sperm are released at once... because most of them die!
- Pre-cum contains sperm
- Sperm can live inside the vagina for up to 3-5 days (at the most), but again, like we said, most of them die instantly
- Semen ejaculated during unprotected anal sex can fall out of the anus and on to the vaginal opening
It is VERY VERY VERY rare for people to get pregnant without intercourse. As long as semen (or pre-cum) is not anywhere near your vaginal opening it's practically impossible to get pregnant.
If pregnancy was not your concern, please be mindful of all the different types of STI (Sexually Tranmitted Infections) out there. Many can be passed without intercourse, including Herpes and HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) which is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact. Also, HPV cannot be accurately tested for in men, and men do carry the virus. HPV has been known to cause changes in the cervix and sometimes cervical cancer. Pap smears can detect such changes. You may want to consider using a condom or a latex glove for oral sex and hand jobs.
First and foremost, sexual play is something to be enjoyed and cherished! Not something to be paranoid and worried about. :) If there is a next time, we’d say it's even safe to just have underwear on as long as you're not rubbing the penis or ejaculate near your vulva.

Erection
I'm 20 and have 5&1/2" penis. I love to have sex with my girl and also do love her. We were going well for last one year but of late I am losing my erection sometimes, it never happened be'fore. Is it a cause of concern?
Has anything in your daily routine changed?  Are you stressed out?  Are you eating a lot of junk food?  Are you having sex at a different time of day?  These are a few of many things that can affect the strength and length of your erection.  If you are really concerned, and this becoming a serious problem, the best thing you can do is talk to your doctor.  You’re only 20, so we don’t recommend reaching for drugs made for erectile dysfunction (Viagra, Cialis, etc.). 

I am male and am 17 years old... well I have problems in having hard and long erections... I do not get so long and hard erection... and I ejaculate very quickly... within some seconds.... I am really worried bout it... actually I used to masturbate alot... what should I do....?
First of all, we recommend not panicking. You can train your body to react to different stimulations. Perhaps when you used to masturbate a lot, you trained yourself to ejaculate quickly, and thus not build up much tolerance. Try masturbating slowly and gently for longer periods of time. Relax and let yourself slowly work up to climax. Don’t rush the process, and over time, you can build up a higher level of tolerance.

The other day I was having sex with my girlfriend in her brother's room when no one was in the house. After about 10 minutes, she suggested we continued on the floor where she would be on top of me (I was on top of her when we were on the bed). When we got off the bed I couldn't get an erection... I was mentally horny, and I really wanted to continue having sex since neither she or I had an orgasm! We had to stop because of my little erection issue. I just wanted to know why I couldn't get an erection, we tried the foreplay thing again and it didn't work.
Sometimes our bodies will not do what our minds want them to. Like if you've ever had to go to the bathroom and really really wanted to but physically couldn't. As with that analogy, the more you focus on it, the more you will not be able to do it!
Any lapse in physical contact can cause an erection to go down. Sometimes at the height of passion, your mind can be really really into it but if something happens like the phone rings, (even if you don't answer it) your mind can become unfocused unintentionally. Not only did you change positions, but you changed locations (from the bed to the floor) and it's definitely common for people to lose their physical interest during such transitions. Filling these transitions with dirty talking, hand jobs, masturbation, or other non-intercourse activities may help keep physical interest piqued.
Other factors such as stress (paranoid about family coming home) or blood circulation can be attributed to loss of erection. It's very common for this to happen to people at any age, and won’t necessarily become a pattern.

Testing
What is the difference between confidential and anonymous HIV testing?
The results of a confidential test go into your medical file, whereas neither the results of an anonymous test nor the fact that you were tested are entered into your file. In fact, with anonymous testing, your name is never even connected to your test – you are assigned a number which you use to get your results. The results of a confidential test are marked as such in your file, and even if you release your medical records (to a new job or insurance company), your test results will not be released without your specific written consent. Other than that difference, the tests are the same. Health Services offers confidential testing. Anonymous testing is offered at Tapestry Health in downtown Northampton.

Ejaculate
Why does the shape of my sperm when coming out have a watery shape?
Well, you shouldn’t be able to see individual sperm since they’re the smallest cell in the human body.  Semen consists of sperm and ejaculate fluids, thus it comes out as a liquid.

i am a 28yr old male. I have been using condoms with my partner for a week now as she had an infection and was taking extra precaution (as we have a 14mnth tot). I have noticed that the semen in the condom is like water and white/opaque in colour, and has been like this everytime time (once a day usually). My semen is usually think and creamy in colour although I don't know how long my semen has changed as I usually ejaculate in my partner. My diet has not changed and the frequency of intercourse is still the same, although I have been takin cod liver oil and garlic capsules for over a week as I was having a hard time shakin a cold. What could be causing this?
Well, since your partner had a sexually transmitted infection (STI), we hope that you were tested too.  The change in the texture of your ejaculate fluid could be a symptom of an STI, so we recommend that you get tested immediately if you haven’t been.  Change in diet can also affect the smell, taste, and texture of your semen. 

Terminology
What is wankin?
Masturbation, jerking off, playing with yourself, happy fun alone time, etc. 

Analingus? Does that mean what I think it means?
Analingus is the act of performing oral sex on someone’s anus. It’s not for everyone, but there are lots of nerve endings in the anus that can make analingus very enjoyable. To keep it safe, the receiving partner should wash thoroughly beforehand. The best way to keep it safe it to use a dental dam to cover the anus.

Last Updated: 5-18-07

 

 

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