First-Time Sex
Table Of Contents
1. Who Is A Virgin?
2. Am I Ready? Some Questions to Ask Yourself
3. What the Heck is a hymen?
4. Emotions Associated With Losing One’s Virginity
5. Painful Problems
6. First-Time Sex: A Checklist
Who is a Virgin?
Both of the above statements are true. Some people believe that an intact hymen — the thin piece of tissue that stretches across the opening of the vagina— is proof of a woman’s virginity, but this is becoming an antiquated belief. People who have been sexually assaulted or abused will sometimes continue to identify as virgins. In the end, just like most other aspects of sexuality, “virgin” is a label we have to choose – or reject – for ourselves.
Taken From:
http://www.scarleteen.com/politics/virgin.html
Am I Ready? Some Questions to Ask Yourself
What the Heck is a Hymen?
The hymen is a thin membrane of skin that stretches across the opening to the cervix. Menstrual fluids pass through the hymen during menstruation. All females are born with a hymen, but some are born with more tissue than others. A lot or a little, either is perfectly healthy and normal. The hymen can be stretched open during activities other than sexual intercourse. Playing sports, horseback riding, and bike riding can all stretch open the hymen. Tampons, when used properly, cannot break a hymen. No one, not even a gynecologist, can tell if a hymen has been stretched from sex or other nonsexual activities. If the hymen hasn’t been stretched open before having penetrative sexual intercourse for the first time, the insertion of the penis, prosthetic, or toy usually stretches it. Some girls feel pain when this happens and some don’t. Some girls bleed when the hymen stretches open and some don’t. Both are normal and are nothing to worry about. If you experience a lot of pain or heavy bleeding after intercourse you should consult a clinician at Health Services or your doctor from back home. Some females have very thick hymens and may need to seek medical assistance to remove the excess tissue.
Women can prepare for their first sexual intercourse by slowly and gently stretching the hymen with her finger or a clean tampon for several weeks before having sex to make it less painful.
Emotions Associated with Losing One's Virginity
When it comes to having sex, everyone is different. There is no universal experience or code describing the way first-time sex is supposed to be. Different people, guys and girls, have different feelings about losing their virginity. This is why it’s very important to talk honestly with your potential partner about your feelings and expectations about sex. Having sex for the first-time can be a stressful, awkward, uncomfortable experience. Anxiety can prevent the vagina from adequately lubricating itself and to constrict in involuntary spasms. In guys this can cause trouble maintaining an erection and pre-ejaculation. Feeling nervous is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t mean you should have to feel that way.
Here is a helpful list composed by Planned Parenthood, of things to keep in mind when having sex:
· Have one another’s consent
· Be honest with one another
· Treat one another as equals
· Be attentive to one another’s pleasure
· Protect one another against physical and emotional harm, unintended pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections
· Accept responsibility for your actions
· Be clear with regard to your limits about what you want and what you do not want to do
· Respect the limits of others
· Never use pressure to get someone to consent to sexual activity
Being prepared is the best way to calm down nerves before sex. Talk about sex with your partner before you have it, have birth control (when necessary) and some form of latex protection against STIs easily accessible for when the heat of the moment comes.
Written by Jessica Ryan '08, Umass Boy '07, and Amanda Hanley '06
Last Updated: 3-23-06
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