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Episode 8
|| 25 December 1979 || Synopsis ||
Manor Trivia
Note: This Christmas
Day special aired six weeks after the conclusion of the first
series.
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 The holidays: a season for giving thanks,
and the rector goes out of his way to express the parish's thanks
to "our lord of the manor, Mr DeVere," for his contributions
to the estate staff party, the decorations for the church, and
the £400 raised for old people. Audrey listens to this
largesse with typical scorn, and complains to Marjory that she
has now been reduced to one of "the women" ("not
even 'the ladies,'" she gripes) who will make Christmas
Eve arrangements. But there is one traditional role DeVere will
not usurp: supplying the crib for the church. She has sent Ned,
who is filling in for a vacationing Brabinger, to find it, certain
that it has come over in the move from the manor.
But Ned has been otherwise engaged,
hoping to surprise Audrey with twinkling fairy lights for the
Christmas tree. His unveiling goes up in smoke, rather literally,
when the transformer he has rigged explodes in a shower of sparks.
What's more, he has been unable to locate the crib...
...which at that moment is being unearthed
from the butler's pantry by Richard and his mother. The crèche
consists of a headless shepherd, a three-legged donkey, a wingless
archangel, a humpless camel...and a dead mouse. The rector, no
doubt due to his consumption of Richard's sherry, is unconcerned,
and Richard, sending him off, asks him to delivery a card to
Audrey at the lodge. Richard promises his mother that he will
produce a crib by Christmas Eve. "I have influence in high
places," he tells her. "Not that high," she mutters.
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- M R S
. P O L O U V I CK
A:
- "One
humpless camel..."
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Audrey, unsurprisingly,
is unwilling to bend to the point of simply asking Richard if
she can look for the crib at the manor. She determines instead
that she, Marjory and Ned will make their own. Ned claims to
have been quite handy with model aeroplanes in his youth, and
is assigned the task of creating a stable. Ned has also brought
the card, delivered by the rector. "They're just not fussy
who they get to do the Christmas post these days," she says,
discovering that the card is an invitation from Richard to spend
"Xmas" with himself and his mother. "'Xmas,'"
Audrey snorts. "Makes it sound like a skin complaint."
She instructs Brabinger to ring the manor and make her apologies,
telling Marjory that she couldn't possibly spend this Christmas
at the manor. She recalls just the previous year, playing sardines
all over the house and coming in from the Boxing Day hunt to
watch Basil Brush. But this year, she laments, she will spend
it at the lodge with Marjory. Marjory, however, is forced to
admit that she has a previous engagement this year. "You
never have a previous engagement!" says Audrey. But the
worst is yet to come: Marjory has accepted Richard's invitation
to the manor. Audrey immediately lays on a thick coating of guilt,
to which Marjory succumbs after some fruitless argument. |
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The next day finds Audrey hard at work
on her figurines of the holy family, her contribution to the
crib. It becomes clear, however, that a bit of advance planning
would have been expedient, as Ned produces a stable approximately
half the scale of Audrey's characters, and Marjory arrives with
a gargantuan donkey and sheep.
Arriving at the church, they find preparations
already underway--and a large, elaborate crib in the chancel.
Marjory pronounces it "divine," but Audrey grumbles
that it is "anything but divine. It is common and vulgar
and [most damning of all] new." Richard, immensely pleased
with his contribution (which until that morning was residing
in the window of one of his supermarkets), arrives to hear Audrey
complain that the crib has been supplied by herself and her family
since... "Yes yes," says Richard, having heard this
story one time too many, "since the year 2000 BC."
"Don't be ridiculous," snaps Audrey, "they didn't
have cribs in the year 2000 BC." Her point, she says, is
that she was expected to provide a crib, and a crib she has provided.
Richard, in an uncommonly ungentlemanly moment, laughs at her
homespun crèche, and points out that not only does his
crib play "Dashing Through the Snow," it has a rotating
sun and moon, and a guiding star that twinkles. Audrey is, if
anything, even more appalled. "Richard, this is supposed
to be Bethlehem. You're making it look like Tokyo High Street."
Back at the manor, Richard lays in
a case of sherry, "in case the rector calls 'round."
He and his mother reminisces about the impoverished Christmases
of their past. "We were so poor, we only had a stick of
brushwood for a Christmas tree," Mrs Polouvicka says, and
they had carrot soup for dinner. Miserable as it was, though,
and even if she now thinks that was the worse Christmas before
or since, she would have rejected anything store-bought...and
Richard suddenly realizes what he has done to Audrey.
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- A U D
R E Y:
- "Richard,
this is supposed to be Bethlehem. You're making it look like
Tokyo High Street."
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Audrey, meanwhile, is softening as
well. "Marjory," she says, "you know it's the
thought that counts. "Yes," Marjory says dryly, "you
said that about my present to you last year." But Audrey
steels herself to admit that she was too hard on Richard, that
the garish crib is his gift to the church and should be taken
in that spirit. She begins to remove her crib, just in time for
Richard, full of apologies, to arrive and insist that his crib
be taken away. The rector finally steps into the dispute, siding
with Audrey's argument--Richard's crib will stay.
Christmas services begin with the blessing
of the crib, and Richard again apologizes to Audrey...who gets
a bit of her own back when the rector switches on the crib and
it explodes in a flash of smoke and fire. Ned's handiwork, again.
Festivities, such as they are, are
underway back at the lodge, as Audrey and Marjory take in the
Queen's speech, wearing the hats from their crackers. Marjory
makes a game attempt at holiday cheer, trying to interest Audrey
in charades or a game of sardines. Audrey is not amused. "At
the manor, squeezing oneself into a poky hidey-hole was a game.
Here it's a permanent state of affairs," she says. "You've
been a misery-guts all day," complains Marjory. "Why
don't you have a drink, drown your sorrows?" But Audrey
claims there is nothing to drink in the house. She wonders what
merriment is ensuing at the manor. "I bet they're having
a wonderful time," she sighs.
But the revelry at the manor is equally
glum, Richard and his mother (with hats as well) sitting alone.
Marjory's continued efforts at cheer
are having little effect. "If I hadn't been so pig-headed,"
says Audrey, "we could be at the manor playing sardines...I
hid in the old butler's silver safe one year. Marton was the
first to find me. It quite revived our marriage...'til I realized
who it was." Marjory says she should have gone to the manor,
and Audrey agrees, "for obvious reasons. But no, I had to
insist on spending my first Christmas alone, just to prove I'm
not the sort of person that cracks up easily. But it's not true,"
she says, unable to hold back the tears. "So much for my
brave face." And at that moment, Ned's circuit-breaker kicks
in and the lights on the tree flash on.
Equally surprising, Ned himself enters
to announce Richard and "Mrs...his mother," who enter
laden with liquor and candy. Marjory announces that they are
just in time for sardines. "I'll be 'it,'" says Audrey,
"and I'll bet you never find me." And then, in a whisper
to Richard, "I'll be in the broom cupboard under the stairs."
Richard, confused, says he doesn't understand the game. "Splendid,"
Audrey says. "I'll have to explain it to you. You come with
me, and you two," she says to Marjory and Mrs Polouvicka,
"close your eyes and start counting. To a thousand!"
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- Even excusing her for the inevitable
"first Christmas away from the manor" anxiety, Audrey
is really rather mean in this episode.
- Brabinger is spending the holidays
with his granddaughter.
- The rector has quite a taste for sherry,
downing four glasses in his visit to the manor.
- Audrey notes that she is "quite
clever with her hands," having won a competition at a W.I.
festival with her giraffe made out of carrots. Marjory points
out that Audrey herself was the judge, which Audrey says accounts
for Marjory's frogs made out of marrow coming in second.
- Audrey criticizes Marjory for using
Richard's Christian name, which she has done herself in previous
episodes, but under the circumstances...
- This episode was not carried by all
Public Broadcasting stations when the series was televised in
the United States.
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