By 2015, according to the Institute of International Education, there were more than 300,000 Chinese students in universities and colleges all over US, while a decade ago in 2005 there were only around 60,000. Even at Smith College, a small all-women’s liberal arts college in Massachusetts, there are more than 120 Chinese students studying and living in the community, constituting the largest international student group on campus. As a member of this group, I decided during my last semester in college to take my camera and to reflect upon how my friends and I transformed during four years and how we struggled with our identities.
My initial intention was to address the various stereotypes we encountered in U.S and back home. I’ve repeatedly heard people commenting, with negative connotations, how Chinese students always stuck together. These observations are partially true, as shown in the opening scene of my film, but I’m more interested in the mentalities and reasoning behind the phenomenon. I still remembered how my mother encouraged me to make “American friends” and I indeed went through a period of time when I tried to alienate my Chinese friends. However, I eventually understood that making friends should be a more natural process and I didn’t need to feel pressured. Ruki, featured in my film, mentioned similar feeling how she felt like she should be able to choose friends based on mutual interests or experiences. As for why it was usually easier for Chinese students to develop a friendship within the group, another character in my film, Jojo offered a more scientific explanation. She commented that she had two different identities when speaking two languages and the Chinese identity made her feel more relaxed.
On the one hand, in China, students who study abroad are often considered as “rich, spoiled kids who can’t get into a good Chinese University.” News about Chinese students’ misbehaviors in the United States, in particular, has added to the impressions. Even in cases where Chinese students were murdered, people criticize these students and their family on social media for being corrupted and rich to send their kids away. I strived to demonstrate a different life of our group. We are definitely privileged but we don’t live in an exaggeratedly luxurious world. At Smith, we worked really hard to achieve our academic goals and to fulfill our passions. Even till now, I remain deeply touched by how my ambitious Chinese friends persist to do what they truly love – no matter working in finance or pursing a PHD in engineering; these hard-working young women inspired me to always challenge myself beyond my capabilities.
In the process of filming and interviewing, I started to realize a theme that appeared again and again in our conversations was our relationships with China and US. I never fully identified with American culture, but it was also hard for me to claim that I identified myself as a Chinese. Studying East Asian Studies, I gradually developed a more critical perspective towards my country. My own ideological struggle was further reflected through my friends and their stories. Like Ruki and Izzy, I don’t feel a sense of belonging to China or to US: when I went back home, I missed the convenience and freedom of my life in US; when I came back to school, however, I got homesick and remembered how things were different in China. Jojo, on the other hand, shed a more positive light on such struggles: equipped with American ideas, she believed that she would make changes back in China. The decision to stay or to go back home was a complicated one. It was especially painful for me when I made the decision to stay. I always knew I wanted to make documentary about China, so the most logical decision was to go back home where I would have more resources and connections. Choosing to stay, I’ll have to make a living and possibly give up my dream. However, I still decided to stay since I wanted to have an independent space to reflect on my passion and my future. The struggle never stops and I’m still questioning my decision on a daily basis. Making the film was a self-discovery and self-questioning process and I eventually learned to reconcile with myself.
Amie Song ’16 is a documentary filmmaker living and working in New York City. A recent graduate from Smith College, she has experience in pre-production research, videography, and post-production editing. Originally from China, she is committed to exploring China’s contemporary social development as well as traditional cultural heritage through visual language. What interests her most about documentary production is the experience bringing out untold stories and unknown narratives. She has interned for various media organizations, including Ken Burns’ Florentine Films, VICE Media, KCETLink and Blog Weekly (博客天下). Her first short documentary In-Between is an intimate look into the experience of three Chinese students studying in the U.S. She is currently working at Effie Worldwide as an international program assistant.
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