“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway

September 5th, 2012

Seeking the truth in a complicated situation is like reproducing a nature scene on a blank canvas.

Everyone has their own truth, their own reality, just as every observer of a scene has their own interpretation. One may see beauty first and later find imperfection just as one may find fault first until innocence is revealed. According to physicists, the object is changed simply by the act of observing. Is it also true that a situation is affected by the beliefs of the Truth seeker – as well as – the beliefs of the Truth seeker being affected by the situation?

If I start out mistrusting someone as I seek the truth, will more red flags appear thereby confirming my mistrust? Do I create obstacles to the truth when I assume the worst of the individual? Rather than try to prove malicious behavior on their part, shouldn’t I try to remain neutral until the truth is revealed?

Otherwise, I wouldn’t have to work at trusting them since my fears would be well-founded. Am I looking for the easy way out by believing them guilty until proven innocent?

Who has the patience to reproduce a nature scene on a blank canvas, anyway? It requires discerning the truth from within, without a map such as paint-by-number.

““Let the beauty that we love be what we do.” ~Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273)

August 17th, 2012

Why are we here?  Is there meaning to this life?  These questions I have pondered.  Perhaps there is more than one answer.

More importantly, what are we here to do?  Each of us has been given a “lean.”  What do you lean toward?  What propels you? What gets your heart pumping, your blood flowing?  Maybe you’re doing that already.  Maybe you’ve found a way to make a living at it.  Or maybe there’s a chasm of fear in the way, or a boulder.  Is the other side attainable?  Is the chasm traversable?  Is there a way around the boulder? Path of least resistance?

When driving, and I come up behind someone in the passing lane who is out there on their own with no self-awareness and no car to pass, I simply pass on their right.  They do not exist to me if they are offering an obstacle for no reason.  Same with ornery people.  When possible, I just go around.

So, what’s stopping you?  What’s stopping you from reaching the upper limits of your greatest intention and desire for your work–or play–on this planet while you’re here?  Perhaps you’re at a loss for what that greatest desire might be.  In that case, how do you go forward?

Step 1:  Remain open to not-knowing.  Let the unknown be ok.  It will be revealed to you when you are ready.  Don’t force an answer.  Try to get comfortable with not-knowing.

Step 2:  Get in touch with your passion.

Make a list of what you love.  Try not to think in terms of what to do next in life.  Just enjoy thinking about and writing down anything you love.  Here’s mine in random order:

spiritual and physical health and wellness
music
dance
education
singing
art
helping others
babies and children
warm weather
water and waves
etc.

What would it look like to merge everything I love into a career?

I could offer workshops (with childcare provided) on a tropical island or by a lake in summer that would help people attain spiritual/physical well-being through music, art, dance and song.

Step 3:  Take steps to make it happen.

Start with today.  Dream, then laundry.  Dream, then plan. Dream, then email.  Do whatever it takes.  Feel the fear, and do it anyway.  Go around, through, over, under.  Make it happen no matter what.

“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.”  ~ Bruce Barton (1886-1967)

“One’s action ought to come out of an achieved stillness: not to be mere rushing on.” ~D. H. Lawrence

August 1st, 2012

How much time do we spend wishing we were someplace else? Wishing the hour were later, or earlier? Wishing we were not right here, right  now?

Life is fleeting enough without rushing to get to the next desirable place or time.  All we have is now, so we might as well settle in. Breathe in the moment.  Breathe in the traffic jam, breathe in the bus stop, breathe in the long line.  Make peace with the present moment.  Can I choose a better thought than the one I am thinking right now?  Can I just allow this moment to be?  Can I wait for the bread crumbs and not rush ahead to where I feel overwhelmed and lost?  If I jump ahead on the game board, I might miss something.  I might land on a square that is less desirable than where I am right now.

Stay on the train.  It’s on the right track.  If you jump off and run ahead, you’ll miss it when it passes by and you’ll have a tough time getting back on track.  Even through a dark tunnel, it knows where it’s going.  Be patient.  Wait for the light ahead to reveal itself, to reveal your next stop.  Enjoy the journey, for the scenery is ever changing even when you are standing still.  Other elements need their proper time to fall into place.  You will be carried to meet them at just the right time, not before.

Achieve stillness.

“Birds flying high, you know how I feel.” Lyrics by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley

July 18th, 2012

Can you feel the rhythm of life?  It has a heartbeat.  In our rushing lives, it easily goes unnoticed.  We operate primarily from our minds, not our senses.  But there are indicators that let us know when we are off-sync.

Timing is everything–in music, in sports, in business, in comedy, in theater, and in life.  Have you noticed sometimes after rushing around that you’re way ahead and have to wait for other people to do their part before you can take another step?  That’s one indicator.  Or do you have a too-laid-back approach to life and miss opportunities as a result?  Another indicator.  Do you find sometimes that no matter which check-out line you choose, it ends up being the slowest?  Indicator.  Or you hit every red light on your way because you ignored a voice inside to leave sooner?

Just as practiced musicians keep the beat, and great athletes recognize the sweet spot of good timing, so can we sense the pulse of life.

Sometimes, when I notice a bird in flight, I feel the natural timing of its take off–as if, on cue, it was supposed to pass by at that moment; as if, like in the movie “Groundhog Day,” it would happen at that same second were I to wake up again on the same day.  Imagining this zaps me right into life’s elusive heartbeat and I flow. Things happen with ease, like clockwork.

Next time you notice a bird in flight, come to this awareness. Imagine you are in a movie and the bird just flew by on cue, presupposed to occur at that moment. Watch how the pendulum of life scoops you up and nestles you in its heartbeat.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou

June 21st, 2012

My father, who is will be 91 in a week from today still reads the NY Times, but has trouble retrieving words to express his thoughts.  This must be frustrating for someone who was a college professor and then Dean of the College of Education.  Having never gotten a college degree myself—a deep disappointment for him—I was excited to tell him my news.

I called him on Father’s Day.  We chatted about the weather, his assisted-living “inmates,” and his love of our summer place in Michigan.  He stumbled over words.  Finally, I said, “Dad!  I applied and got accepted to Smith College.  They have a program for older students.”   “What will you be studying?”  “I’m thinking of majoring in education!” I thought he’d be pleased to hear that.  “Oh.  Does this program end with a degree of some kind?”  “Yes.  A bachelor’s degree in Education.”  “Not a master’s degree?”

I just had to laugh to myself.  His struggle with word retrieval miraculously disappeared during that small exchange.  At 91, he could still–and with ease–express his disappointment in me.

That’s okay, I told myself.  I’m not doing this for you, Dad, I’m doing this for me.  You can take that disappointment to your grave, if you wish.  That’s your choice.  It’s just sad that after the divorce you never really cared to know me, because I’m having a fantastic time getting to know myself.

 

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” ~Osho

June 15th, 2012

In quantum physics, all things exist as potential or possibility, as particle or wave. The outcome of this potential is determined by the observer.  How we perceive our world affects our world.

When I was a kid, I didn’t really get the meaning of certain songs my mom would sing to me.  “When you’re smiling, when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you” made no sense to me. How could the whole world know when I was smiling?  Facebook didn’t even exist yet.

Now, I see that when you’re smiling on the inside, you attract other smilers into your experience. Possibility. Potential. Creating our experience. When I relax, let go, and feed my inner smile, I stay in that sweet spot of the pulse of life…and ride the wave of possibility.

The same principle applies to your intention. When you focus on your goals and intentions–with a faithful outlook–you attract situations and opportunities to you. Like breadcrumbs on the path, those opportunities lead you toward your intended outcome.

The concurrent emotion, however, must be genuinely hopeful and positive. It doesn’t work to focus on your objective with doubt that it’ll come about, or despair that it’s out of reach. With those hollow emotions, serendipity doesn’t stand a chance. You want to connect with the passion that led you to that goal in the first place. Try to get at the essence of “why?” Why do you desire this thing, person, or circumstance? What will the manifestation of it bring to you? And to others?

Years ago in a numerology book, I read that “Opportunities come if not reached for, fly if pursued.” That was disheartening to read because I didn’t understand the principle behind it. Aren’t we told to grasp the brass ring? To go after what we want? To seek and search and ask and knock and demand until it is ours? To not seems lazy and foolish. “Opportunities come if not reached for…” means we’re not in control! That can’t be right!

I didn’t understand vibration.

All matter vibrates at different speeds. Elevated emotions raise your vibration. When we attain and sustain the frequency of our desired intention, it manifests. Do your best to float there while imagining your future. Relax…let it come to you. That is the Law of Attraction. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.

“Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.” ~M. Esther Harding

May 23rd, 2012

Conflict.  It’s something most of us shy away from.  After all, we paid our dues as teenagers, didn’t we? Oh, maybe that was just me. But, now as independent adults, we can choose to avoid it, like choosing whether or not to make our bed or do our chores.

What’s the point of conflict anyway?  Shouldn’t we avoid it…even when it’s unavoidable? Make cookies, not war…and that sort of thing? Don’t we want world peace starting with the person in the mirror? I’m conflicted about conflict. When given the choice between fight or flight, the latter seems more enjoyable,especially if I’m headed to a tropical island!

Conflict, though, can be a positive thing, an opportunity. An opportunity for growth and change. Most of us resist change too, happily strolling along until life threatens to create so much conflict or major crises that we are forced to change.

Why not nip it in the bud and embrace it. Hey, Change! I see you comin.’ You’re cleverly disguised as Conflict. Ha! You’re not foolin’ me! And I’m not afraid of you…mostly. Yeah. Watch me bend and let you roll off my back. And, if you come back with more, I’ll do the same. So there!

Conflict shouldn’t be about “fight or flight.” It should be about resist or grow, and asking ourselves: What am I seeing about myself in this conflict? What is trying to emerge in me? How am I participating? Where am I needing to grow? Where am I falling short?

Today I will search for the gap within myself and do my best to close it. I will see Conflict for what it is: an opportunity for me to discover my best self.

Oh, Conflict.  Who knew a silver lining was part of your clever disguise.  You rascal!

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Author Unknown

May 2nd, 2012

I’ve heard that troubles come in threes.  Not so this past week and a half.  Unexpected problems have been climbing over each other to get to me! Last week my car overheated on the highway. Luckily, I was close to an exit with a service station. The prognosis went from bad to worse, however. I had to put her down. She was old and suffering and too expensive to fix.

Six months prior, I had thought about selling her and upgrading to a younger model. Two weeks prior, I’d had a dream that my car died. What does this all mean? Probably nothing. Or maybe I was preparing myself for the inevitable, but didn’t follow up.

Regardless, I decided to try to take it in stride instead of engaging my usual anxious, fear-ridden response. I believe that things happen for a reason.  Ok, good, because my life lately is a real page-turner!  I’m curious what will happen next?!  I also believe that the Universe/God/Source always provides.  Wow.  I can’t wait to see how they get me out of this one!

I decided to look positively and inquisitively toward the future and to what I will be driving next! Hmmm…I wonder! It’s a mystery!

Bottom line is, I still have CHOICES.

How I respond (within and outside myself) is a CHOICE:
EITHER, “Why me?  What did I do to deserve this?”
OR, “What am I learning from this?  How is it shaping me?  What is being asked of me?  Patience?  Faith?  Strength?  Slow down?”

How I feel about it is a CHOICE:
EITHER, “These things always happen to me!”
OR,  “It could be worse.  My other needs are still being met.”

What I believe is a CHOICE:
EITHER, “Life sucks!”
OR,  “Such is life sometimes.  I can get through this.  Things will take a turn for the better like they always do.  I’ve gotten through worse than this before.”

Difficulties help me appreciate days of ease. The tough days strengthen me.  Grrr!

Things To Do when troubles are beyond your control:

  • Focus on other more joyous, things.
  • Write when things are wrong.
  • Count and appreciate other blessings large and small.
  • Breathe.  This too shall pass.
  • Recall other times you pulled through and what got you there.

In life there is ebb and there is flow. Just because we’re ebbing doesn’t mean we’ll never flow again. Think of yourself as an arrow. You’re only being pulled back on the bow so you can spring forward that much farther when you let go.  And, oh, the ride when you do!

“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” ~Ovid

April 24th, 2012

Oh, April.  You fly by at the speed of buzz like a bee zooming from blossom to blossom. How do you keep track of yourself?! You’ve been so busy, you’ve forgotten to rain. Haven’t you heard? April showers bring May flowers. Are we to expect no flowers in May because of your hasty neglect?

There must be flowers in May. Flowers that stand in one place. Elegant. Bending in the breeze. Present. Fragrant. Offering their scent, their nectar, their beauty to passersby.

I want to be like a flower. Still and just there. Not rushing around with wildly flapping wings. One breath. And then another. I long for May.

“When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion.” ~Abraham Lincoln

April 13th, 2012

What do we gain from hurting someone?  What’s in it for us?  Do we feel power–a power that we are otherwise devoid of?  Do we feel we’ve somehow righted a wrong?  What is lacking in our character that we feel ok with our unprovoked, hurtful actions? What is really going on down in the deep?

The depth of our own pain–or numbness–seems unreachable, or we simply choose not to go there.  It feels better to lash out at someone other than the inflicter of our own pain.  No, that would be too scary.

Passive aggressive.  Yeah.  That’s the way to go.  It may be cowardly, but it gets the job done.  We don’t have to reveal our deepest, truest self and risk being hurt again.

Our deepest, truest self.  Do we even know what or where that is? Certainly, we are galaxies away from it when we knowingly inflict pain on others.

How do we return to Love?  How do we look inward, feel remorse, and grow from accepting our own pain?

We do it by simply doing good…because it feels good.