Episode 5 || 28 October 1979 || Synopsis || Manor Trivia Fifth episode of Series 1 (seven episodes) From The Times: "Richard allows the traditional hunt ball to be held at the Manor, but forgets to invite Audrey." Guest cast: Anthony Sharp (Brigadier Lemington); Shaun Curry (CSM Godbolt); Joyce Windsor (Mrs Plunkett); Nicholas McArdle (Miller); Paul Barber (Mackenzie McLeod) Another visit to the village shop ("Stay outside, Bertie," orders Audrey, "I don't want you to pick up any fleas") leads to a chat with Brigadier Lemington. Audrey notes that his licence tags have expired. "I'm a magistrate," she tells him; "it's my job to root out that sort of hooliganism." The brigadier asks if she will be hosting the annual hunt ball, but Audrey must remind him that she no longer lives at the manor and the brigadier will have to apply to Mr DeVere. The brigadier is dubious; "The word is that he's...you know. Not quite British." And without Audrey's leadership, the ball will be a "cock-up in a tin hat." Back at the lodge, Audrey is appalled to be beaten at Scrabble by Marjory, whose wordplay consists of "cat," "dog," "pot" and "nice" -- the latter, Audrey insists, isn't even a word one should use. "The word you're looking for is 'charming,'" she insists. "Speaking of charming, says Marjory, "how is Mr DeVere?" "How you can put 'DeVere' and 'charm' into the same breath is beyond me," Audrey sighs. "Oh, come on, Audrey," says Marjory, "he really is very nice. "You mean charming," says Audrey, and then catches herself. "I didn't mean that. He's got about as much charm as Grimsby Dockyard." Audrey insists she will have nothing to do with the ball. "I can't even afford to go this year, not at £10 a ticket and nothing to wear and no partner," she says. Marjory is shocked. "They might have to cancel it," she gasps. "No they can't do that," Audrey says; "the invitations have gone out." "They have? Who sent them?" "I did."   M A R J O R Y: "Speaking of charming, how is Mr DeVere?"   A U D R E Y: "He's got about as much charm as Grimsby Dockyard."   B R I G A D I E R: "Old muddlesome Marj! Hopeless! Couldn't run a bath!"   A U D R E Y: "You should have seen the amount of food we had to throw away after our War on Want lunch!" The brigadier pays a visit to the manor and finds Richard busily researching wheat futures. "Right," he says. "Master of fox hounds, that's me, requests permission for use of Grantleigh Manor for summer hunt ball. Got that?" "Thank you, brigadier," says Richard. "Clear and concise. Granted." The brigadier is dumbfounded; he tells Richard Audrey insisted he would not allow the ball to be held at Grantleigh. Richard, however, cannot take on the organization of the ball and suggests the brigadier do the job himself. The brigadier is nonplussed; "Not my line, organizing things," he says. "Spent most of my life in the army." Richard suggests Marjory. "Old muddlesome Marj!" the brigadier scoffs. "Hopeless! Couldn't run a bath!" Richard agrees to try and change Audrey's mind, which prompts the brigadier to crack, "If you succeed, the rector will be pleased. Never had a miracle in the parish." Richard, however, is one step ahead of Audrey. He asks Marjory to organize the ball, news which Marjory reports breathlessly to Audrey. Audrey is appalled. "He must be out of his mind!" she explodes. "The idea is to raise money for the hunt, not to put it into the hands of the official receiver!" But Marjory defends her position, saying DeVere came to her on bended knee. "You should have refused," Audrey insists. "DeVere was supposed to come to me on bended knee! Quite apart from the fact that you are totally incapable of organizing anything, you must be the only person in England to make a loss on a bring and buy sale." Their bickering escalates--"DeVere has to be told that if you are left in charge, guests will be dancing on the strawberry mousse and eating the band"--and ends with Audrey threatening to deny Marjory's licencing application for the bar when she is on the licencing bench next week. Unknown to both women, Richard asked Marjory to organize the ball knowing full well that Audrey will insist on stepping in. Which is precisely what happens, following a blast from Audrey: "I can't expect you to absorb our local customs in five minutes, but some of them have been observed for hundreds of years. And one of them is not asking Marjory Frobischer to run things. You should have seen the amount of food we had to throw away after our War on Want lunch!" She insists she will take over despite Richard's best efforts to the contrary--much to the brigadier's delight. "First class tactics!" he tells Richard. Audrey finds that her first order of business is to undo Marjory's arrangements (including beefing up the bouquet to be presented to the organizer--herself; "They're a surprise," she tells the brigadier), and contending with Mackenzie McLeod, the representative from the Jamaican steel band from Taunton, and Sergeant Major Godbolt, an overly-enthusiastic military man who arrives with the dinner tables. In addition, it seems the marquee has been put up backwards, and inside out as well. "If we'd had plans like this on D-Day," notes the brigadier, "we'd have invaded Scotland." Audrey's troubles are compounded with the arrival of Marjory herself, and the two women (wearing identical "Organizer" badges) argue heatedly about Audrey's contracting Marjory's order to Ned to repair the footbridge in the garden, culminating in Audrey storming off.   A U D R E Y: "By the time he's done that with 150 tables, I shall be quite mad."     B R I G A D I E R: "If we'd had plans like this on D-Day, we'd have invaded Scotland." The night of the ball finds Audrey at home in her robe, playing Scrabble with Brabinger. They can hear the music and laughter from the manor, where Richard, in his tuxedo, is trying to conduct business with Canada. Audrey, assuming Richard is escorting Marjory, is surprised to see him slip in through her patio door. He is abjectly apologetic for the way he tricked her. Audrey asks if Marjory won't miss him at the party. "I didn't go to the ball, I was too busy," he says, and presents her with the organizer's bouquet. Audrey, delighted, feigns surprise. "If I had a magic wand, Cinders, I could still take you to the ball. It isn't midnight yet." "I never thought of myself as Cinders before," Audrey says. "It might be rather fun. Wave your magic wand, fairy godmother." "Abracadabra!" Richard says; and Audrey drops her robe to reveal her ball gown. "You look breathtaking," stammers Richard. "Couldn't I turn into your Prince Charming?" They dance out onto the patio--just in time to hear the music end. "I'm afraid Cinders didn't have very long at the ball," Richard says. "On the other hand," notes Audrey, "she got home safely, with both shoes and Prince Charming." Audrey invites him back in for a nightcap, but Richard says he must get back to his call to Canada; he's having a problem with his tinned salmon. Audrey suggests he take a shortcut back over the footbridge--with the expected disastrous results. We hear Richard calling goodnight...then crashing into the water.   R I C H A R D: "Couldn't I turn into your Prince Charming?" Audrey apparently had no compunction about pulling out the fireplace Richard gave her; the big Portland hearth is again exposed. Richard admits to the brigadier that he does not play cricket, but notes that he is a non-playing member at the MCC. Audrey calls Richard by his Christian name after their dance on the patio.

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